Loose Ends

Back in school now, waiting for the administrative office to open so that I can complete the process of leaving, I find myself in a rather strange position. The purpose of the return today was to clean up the remaining loose ends, including the vacating of the cubicle and the tying up of the last administrative and financial matters that still linger on and require my presence. But as it happened, my social ties to this place were neatly tied up at the end of Week 8. I said my farewells and ran through the whole routine. So, coming back today feels odd, because meeting the people I had said farewell to earlier feels self-indulgent.

It's not that meeting my kids and my colleagues again is undesirable; it's just that I had previously tied off the prospect of us meeting again under the professional context. I would, of course, like to maintain ties with them, but no longer as a relief teacher. So, coming back in this capacity, even if it is to tie off the loose ends that my responsibilities have compelled me to leave here, feels to me as if I am basking in the dying glow of my last days teaching here. Clinging to straws. It's an uncomfortable feeling that I can't shake off.

Partly, I think, it is also the sense that coming back to linger here is a tacit acknowledgement of the notion that my time here was transient, and that my impact here is already fading away. I would like to think this is not the case, but coming back, now, it feels like I'm trying to guard my work here, trying to assess the loss and compel others to sustain my work in my stead. How can I put it - coming back here at this time is like an acknowledgement of something that I don't think is the case, something that I feel isn't the case.

Packing up in the cubicle, it is remarkable to me how little impact sixteen weeks of work has actually left here in terms of physical changes. Of course, the sense that I am only borrowing this cubicle temporarily kept me from making more permanent modifications, but within an hour, everything was tidied up. My lesson materials only amounted to a compilation in two ring files (most of which was photocopied from the school's resource files anyway and thus was not original), and the waste and left-over paper amounted to another ring-file's worth. With rustling and the faint scent of old paper floating all around, I was nevertheless struck by how little there is to clear. Now, all the shelves have been straightened out, and inventories of their contents are neatly tagged on them, in the same way that we prepared our posts for handover at the end of Army. The waste paper made a satisfying thump in the recycling bin. And all that's left now is to wait. And then, to go, for my time is now required elsewhere.

So, in a few hours more I'll return to URA to continue the working day there. We're opening a major exhibition on the Draft Masterplan today, though I'll actually miss the ribbon-cutting. Have spent the previous week preparing the materials for this exhibit, though my material contributions remain necessarily restricted, coming in as I did at the end of a two-year process. Some exhibit panels spell-checked, a feedback form vetted, and some miniature cutout figures and labels created. I did spend a considerable amount of time climbing all over the great islandwide model, tracing and marking out routes and features. Another big project was the tracing out of the 150km shore-hugging park connector route (I don't like the current designation of "Round-Island Route", because the island isn't round, and it's hard to fit "around" into that title) on the big leisure plan. But like I said, most of the contribution was only cosmetic.

Nonetheless, it is an awesome exhibition, with sleek presentation panels, plasma screens galore and innovative installations. The most impressive features are the scale models. I had the privilege to work in the model studio (unfortunately, all our models are wooden or plastic) for some time, and saw the intricate buildings and features emerging from amidst clouds of sawdust and fine perspex particles. The most amazing model, though, was one that I had no part in, unfortunately; if you had time only to see one thing at the exhibit, then examine the Marina Bay model. I could happily spend hours staring at it from every angle.

Anyway, the exhibit is open for a month from today, and if you have time, I invite you to visit. I won't be manning the exhibit much, considering that I hardly have enough knowledge to answer any public queries. But it is deeply educational, and as a resident and stakeholder of this city, it is good to familiarise yourself with the direction in which it is going, if not to help to shape that direction, then at least to prepare yourself for it.

*

Also, to my surprise, YS is back from Virginia! Out of the blue, while I was leaning over the model of Sungei Buloh yesterday, a message came in from her on my phone. Will be meeting her for lunch. This is a novel situation; normally I would be very careful to sort out the dates of my people's return home. It is a pleasant surprise indeed; and I wonder what stories she will bring back this time?