Skywrite

...and suddenly, I have rediscovered my inspiration. The city that spoke to me so eloquently and evocatively two years ago, when I wrote elsewhere, is suddenly speaking to me again with the same urgency and expressiveness. I look everywhere, and I see beauty that is incidental and genuine and therefore striking, in this place that is known for how much is contrived. I see the past in the cracks on the pavement, and I see the future in the sky. The city is strung out tight between the earth and the sky; and once again, it seems to me so taut with potential. And I am reminded that indeed, I have loved this place, and I will continue to do so. After all, for all its shortcomings and inadequacies, this place contains so much of what I remember and hold dear. It is a beautiful place. It is. How can I say no to this?

*

Have been making another short video, this time focusing on the sky, or, more specifically, how the city and the clouds carry out a conversation. The meaning that I see in a building framed against the sky lies in the tension in the contrasts; one is solid, the other is ephemeral; one is unmoving, the other is forever travelling the girth of the globe; one is finite, the other is limitlessly renewing; and one can be touched, while the other touches one.

Taking advantage of my newly rediscovered freedom from all claims on my time, have been wandering around the eastern half of the island gathering new material. And, in the course of the long walks over the last two days, and even on the long bus trips that wound through housing estates, landed properties, shophouses and parks, I have found, to my surprise, a kind of wanderlust similar to what I feel when I walk through a foreign city, armed with only a map, a camera and my sketchbook. Walking has always been for me a way to assert freedom, because on foot, one is most maneouvrable, and one can go anywhere one fancies; and it is this freedom that grips my heart so, as I stroll along the streets and sidewalks of cities, gazing up at the sky, eavesdropping on the murmured and incidental conversations of the city, and knowing that the time that stretches ahead of me is fully in my control.

I sought out blue-sky scenes over the last two days, thinking that I would like to remember Singapore as sunny and clear. But have also realised that the sky has a wider vocabulary than simply clarity, and that cloudy scenes also communicate something. Cloudy skies are common here, and blue skies are rarest; but after all, both are a sort of monotony without something to contrast them against and conjugate them into something interesting. So, I find, the most compelling skyscenes consist of an island of whitest cloud against a vaster, unbroken stretch of richest blue.

Also, I sought out places that contain important memories for me (which continues a long tradition that started with sketches), and places that don't actually have the weight of the past, but which may no longer exist the next time I come back. So, made a special trip down to Dakota Crescent near the old Kallang Airport, and continued down to the old Stadium and Kallang Basin. The former has some of Singapore's oldest housing blocks, which honestly look quite grotty and stunted, but which still seem to exude some impression of density, from being so old. And the Stadium...I haven't been there since the National Day Parade that I attended in Sec 3 as part of Frexprog, but I remember thinking that it looked rather ugly too, with practically no embellishments. But now, looking at it when it is empty and nearing the end of its existence, even the worn concrete, the utilitarian and unassuming signs, and the modest fins that top the VIP stand take on a poignancy and dignity. The impressions that one had previously associated with these buildings when one could still take them for granted are amplified by their imminent loss.

But these are the things that I would like to remember, and that I would like people in New York to see of my old home. It is hardly representative, but anything else would not be as meaningful to me. And also, I have the feeling that these latest recordings are part of my process of taking leave of this place. Some people find that they cannot face the prospect of saying goodbye, and so try to avoid it. But I find that a proper goodbye is important, because at least it gives one a concrete point from which to pick up loose ends when one returns. And so, this is all part of my long goodbye to this city.

*

Met up with good old C today, and spent the morning wandering up the River and then down to China Square, where we used to snatch lunch hours to try a different cuisine every time. I still remember - lunch hours were like mini-vacations in town, where one could tuck into authentic Italian pasta or recline in a souk for Moroccan fare. Was pointing out the new things to her, and we also talked of the latest big news from this little island: the escaped prisoner, the political arrests, inflation scares. It is good to welcome back another old friend; and it is better to find that she has passed through the experiences of the last year well, and has gained from it all.

Also, talked to J tonight. Though we don't get to meet often nowadays, I think that without the conversations that I carry out with this, one of my oldest friends, I would be very much more lost and disoriented than I am now. Was laughing about what the future could hold for all of us; if I thought that the changes I am encountering in some of my people now are stressful, then I don't know what I'd do when the really big changes come, the kind that make an entirely new life. As usual, the problem benefits from being viewed from a more appropriate perspective, and our chat pointed me to the right one.

And at the end of the day, as I made my way back from another bout of camerawork today, I realised that actually, overall, my days are still passing pleasantly. I am still on the cusp of what is shaping up to be an incredible new development in my life; I still know people who remain as familiar and reliable as possible; I can still count on so many things and so many people. This is still a blessed situation, that still manages to inspire in me incredulity and wonder. And honestly, what do I really have to complain about? After all the thinking and the feeling and the reacting, there comes the proper time to put everything in its proper place. And now, I see how it can be done.